This Is How Others Set Your Goals

Having others set your goals also indicates fulfilling other people’s aspirations. Having your own goals help you stay in charge of your life, and work towards your dreams. So do yourself a favor, avoid falling into this trap where others set your goals. 

Before we dive into this hot topic, I want to make it clear that there are people you should listen to when it comes to goal setting, people who are working together with you. Keep reading, and you’ll understand what I mean. For now, let’s analyze how the word “goals” can play brain games with us. Consequently, you need to know that your brain continuously has goals that it is working towards, and that is simply the nature of athletes. We set goals all the time, but the lack of clear and personal goals leads to the surroundings setting our goals. You might wonder how?

For example, the goals we aren’t following up on and don’t have clear and specific strategies for are then set by everyone else around us, our boss, coach, mom, dad, sister/brother, best friend, partner/spouse, or peers without us even noticing it. The problem is not that they are establishing goals for us, but what sort of goals they are setting for us. Rarely are others able to set ambitious, well-thought-through, and S.M.A.R.T. goals for us rather than goals that make it easier for them to go about their daily routine.

“you should…”

We have to admit that we daily hear people telling us what we “should go about things,” “should work on,” “should practice,” “should think,” “what’s good for me,” and the list continues. They say all this because they know if you do what they “want/need” you to do for them, then their everyday life will become more comfortable. Or they do it unintentionally because they know you can help them become better/stronger/more successful in their work.

Then you start worrying if others around you are happy with you and your performance, and instead of making yourself pleased, your focus becomes your surroundings and the people you care about. This is how others unconsciously set goals for you, and you unconsciously follow them without any questioning unless you set your own goals.

What you really should do is be in charge!

So, chose what people you allow to enter your life and have an impact on you. Either you have a support system that is working together with you in achieving goals both personally and cooperatively, or you are the one helping others achieve their goals. However, if you get stuck working towards other people’s dreams’ you won’t ever know how good you could have become because you never really focused on yourself.

The reason an athlete chooses not to pursue their own goals and dreams can only mean one thing, they aren’t mentally prepared and trained to do so. Their mentality is out of shape, scared, and frightened to fail, so it is easier to work for someone else. Failure then becomes easier to accept when it isn’t about oneself. The fear of failure is a real thing, but that shouldn’t be the reason you don’t give your own dream a chance. Dare to write down your goals on a piece of paper, dare to work for them, and dare to follow them through. Check out my blog post (here) on how to set up goals the right way, S.M.A.R.T. goals are successful goals.

Until next week, think about the last time you prioritized your goals instead of your moms, dads, siblings, best friend, cousin, boss, teammate, or coach.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Steve Ruis says:

    There’s a lesson for coaches here, too. I insist that my students make their own goals. I will guide, comment, suggest, but they must be in charge of the setting of those goals. I, for example, at their first archery competition have the goals of #1 to have fun and #2 learn as much as they can. After, we assess whether those goals were met and write about the experience in their logs.

    After then I encourage process goals over outcome goals and encourage the SMART components be included. Youths have been “talked at” about goals ad nauseum by the time I see them. So, I take the position that if they cannot see the value of setting goals, they won’t continue making them. And outcome goals have no inherent value that beginning-intermediate competitors can see.

    Good post!


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